During a call with a client last week, we did a quick check in to see how things were going since she started coaching with me. She shared that she’s noticed how she’s been able to get a better perspective on things. She knew that how she was acting and how she was treating her kids isn’t who she wanted to be. She had been able to open up and articulate her fears and desires with her husband and in turn receive his support through this work. She’s teaching herself to be comfortable with her kids intense emotions, learning to sit with them instead of fix them, try to get them to stop crying, or feel better. She’s learning how to give her kids the gift of feeling their feelings. And she’s learning to do that by giving the gift to herself first.
The truth is, MOST of us are uncomfortable with emotions. We use alcohol, or shopping sprees, of Facebook feeds to numb the feelings we don’t want to feel. We disconnect from our lives in big or little ways, but even the little ones add up and everything we this, we drive a wedge between the life we want and the life we’re living.
There’s a million memes that declare our desire to live our lives fully, to be brave, and vulnerable, to love deeply and entirely. We can’t do those things if we don’t let ourselves be seen. And we can’t let ourselves be seen if we don’t show up. And we can’t show up if we’re hiding under the covers of our own lives.
Don’t give your kids an Easy Button. If you want to be able to sit with your kids and make space for their feelings teach them the skills to feel ALL the feels. And learn to get comfortable with yourself and your own uncomfortable feelings.
Avoiding you feelings, pushing them down, abandoning your authentic self, is spiritual suicide. You feel the way you feel for a reason. Feelings are there to tell us something, to guide us toward a more true version of ourselves.
Stop ignoring yourself, stop pretending she’s not there. Stop pretending she doesn’t deserve to be there, listened to, acknowledged. Honored.
Learn how to stop avoiding your uncomfortable feelings so you can teach them how to do the same.